Religion

Priest To Bless Town’s Water Supply

WaterTower

OHIO — A Catholic priest of a church in Lincoln has asked the city’s mayor if he could bless the city’s water supply in an attempt at re-spawning righteousness and religiosity to the townspeople. The priest would like permission to climb atop Lincoln’s water tower and turn the entire 125,000 gallons into holy water, which would then be distributed to the city’s inhabitants.

Father Vincent has said, via telephone, that his plan would enable the people of Lincoln to “drink, bathe in, cook with, and water their lawns with holy water.” Is he afraid of heights? “Kind of, but something has to be done. Have you seen the violence, the hatred, and the sorrow on television? Have you seen a modern culture devoid of religion, devoid of Christ?” How have people perceived his posited plan? “Most of the folks in the congregation have supported me with open arms. They’ve assured me this is a step in the right direction. They are concerned with the direction the world is going, too.”

There are also those who oppose Father Vincent’s plan. Much controversy has erupted among the citizens of Lincoln. Kathy Heeding, a mom of three young boys, 12, 10, and 7, is “entirely in opposition to [Vincent’s] plan.” She explains, “Do you mean that we’re supposed to be drinking some kind of hocus-pocus water, just because some people believe in that? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so crazy before. Can’t these people bless their own water after it comes out of the tap?”

Heeding also asked how the Father would bless the water. “I don’t want him stomping around inside the tower with his dirty boots contaminating our water,” she said.

Father Vincent isn’t intimidated. “The Pope has recently said that modern culture has lost religion and Christ. Can anyone honestly argue with that?” What does he hope will happen by blessing the town’s water supply? “Peace. Sure, Lincoln, Ohio isn’t the problem, and it’s a tiny, tiny place on the map, but it will set precedence. If folks start getting bathed with holy water, and drink holy water, in their own homes, every day and night, I’m convinced they will be more loving and kind to their neighbors. Now imagine, what if every city in America did the same thing? What if every American, by, say, 2014, was getting holy water straight from the tap? Now picture the rest of the world.”

While Mayor Epstein has yet to make a decision on Father Vincent’s proposal, the parishioners at Vincent’s church, St. Benedict’s, have begun going door to door, promoting the plan, hoping to gather support to show the mayor.

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