NEW YORK – In a series of abrasive tweets, business mogul Donald Trump declared he’d scaled the steep mountain of national debt and bravely wiggled his toes over the edge. Now, he’s offering to install a bungee tower and sell tickets to Americans who want to experience headfirst the true nature of the beast the media has dubbed ‘the fiscal cliff’.
“Washington ain’t doing nothing serious about it,” the Donald tweeted, “so it’s going to come down to someone with big enough you-know-whats.” Trump says he can order a tower set up on the cliff in a weekend and have interested thrill-seeking Americans plunging off the side within a day.“I’ve peered over the edge,” he said, “and I want people to see the enormity of this thing. This gaping abyss that our nation is going to plummet into.” Trump hasn’t offered any indication on how much a ticket might cost, but he said, “It’s about giving my fellow Americans the chance to see what I do. Maybe they’ll hold their president accountable in steering us clear of this calamity.”
The Donald said President Obama doesn’t have the guts or the competency to do the right thing. “I challenge Mr. Obama to be the first to take the plunge. I’ll waive the fee. I’ll personally tie his bungee cord.”
To naysayers and critics condemning Trump of trying to make a buck off the ‘fiscal cliff’, he responded, “I’m offering a service. Nothing’s free. I’m only covering costs in offering this chance to show Americans gut-checking reality. The cliff’s real,” he said. “Too many of you have swallowed Obama’s fantasy-land scenarios of spending our way over this cliff.”
Trump Towers declined to comment, and has not answered the question of which cliff they are planning on setting up their bungee site.