WASHINGTON — Although the Obama administration has been accused of sneakily leaking information to the press at opportune times, the information that seeped out of Washington today was anything but favorable for the beleaguered president.
An anonymous intern has claimed the president and his Climate Change Committee (CCC) have been watching old Charles Manson interviews seeking clues on how to curb global warming and love the earth again. Critics, which is just about everyone who hears the news, are outraged that the president might be taking notes on Manson’s personal environmental policies.
The White House has yet to deny the claims made by the intern, who said, “The president didn’t realize Mr. Manson was such an environmentalist buff, but after that whole debacle where the convict was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, one of the committee members did a little research and found Manson’s views somewhat favorable.”
There’s the famous Penny Daniels’ interview in the late 80s, the intern said, that really struck a chord with the president. “You’ve got to get up on top of this mess,” Manson shouted at the dumbstruck interviewer. He pounded his fist on the table and then said, softer, “You people are killing all the wildlife. The birds and the bees. You’re poisoning the water and chopping down the trees. You’re polluting the air.”
While Democrats might be enthused to hear their newly reelected president might actually be tackling the gloomy issue of manmade climate change, the president’s GOP foes will certainly be ready for combat.
“You can’t put anything past this president,” Senator Mitch McConnell said about the news. “Aligning himself with the Marxists and the socialists and now with creepy old serial killers in prison.” McConnell, like Manson, hails from Kentucky.
As for Charles Manson, he’s been denouncing man’s destruction of nature since the 60s. Notorious for living in the desert, Manson often tells reporters he wore a buckskin vest and lived like a wild man. He ate berries and figs and lived off the land with his musical group, the Family. He started the group ATWA, which stands for Air Trees Water Animals.
Alternative news sites, like Alex Janes’ InfoInvasion.com has blasted the president for embracing a madman’s philosophies. “Manson is notorious for calling in a one world government, where we all worship the earth like scum slaves and kill off anybody who wants to eat a steak.” The boisterous radio show host warned that President Obama’s One World Government mindset perfectly fit Charlie Manson’s.
Janes, while broadcasting live on the Internet, held his breath for nearly three minutes of dead airtime. His round head turned red and then purple before he blew it out. “Folks,” he said, and leveled his eyes at the camera, “Charlie Manson has said numerous times that air is God. If that’s true, I just went for nearly three minutes without. Well, that don’t seem like God to me, if I can go that long without him.”