Health / Politics

Hillary Clinton’s Blood Clot Honored, Refusing to Leave

Clinton sitting next to a diagram of a blood clot

Clinton sitting next to a diagram of a blood clot

UNDISCLOSED ARTERY — Hillary Clinton’s blood clot is reportedly honored to have formed inside the body of the current United States Secretary of State, and will stubbornly “stay put” for as long as a bodily liquid which has clumped into a solid can.

Despite the reprehensible thought of a blood clot reveling within the body of a woman as highly esteemed in the world as Hillary Clinton, experts are actually quite pleased and relieved about the clot’s obstinacy.

“If that clot were threatening to move through the Secretary of State’s arteries and into a vital organ, like the heart or lungs,” said a medical expert, “we’d be far more disturbed than we are with the thought of the clot nesting cozily within an area of lesser concern in Clinton’s body.”

As if speaking directly to the clot, Dr. Ezriel Kornel, MD, assuredly said, “With time and with the medication you will dissolve and certainly won’t propagate further. You won’t cause a clot into the lung.”

The clot, meanwhile, is resolute.

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