(republished at Dear Dirty America)
The latest salacious Kim Kardashian bare butt tweets fueled further speculation Friday that the reality television star diva is not actually her real self but a nearly flawless clone that is virtually undetectable to the naked eye.
The Twitterverse erupted in skepticism over the photo the most famous Kardashian released to her millions of followers. “No way she just had a baby!” Justin Loveet responded to the star. “Ah no hell naw sheez it,” another young man wrote, and then added, “where her flab at????”
Rumors have swirled online ever since Kim and Kanye West’s son North was born at Beverly Hills’ Cedar Sinai that the TV star actually died during childbirth due to complications. Information has dribbled out online from alleged insiders and experts that North’s head was so large the pop diva suffered major uterine tears and doctors could not squelch the internal bleeding.
According to a source close to the situation, but who wishes to remain anonymous, the US government has crafted clones of nearly every major living icon in the world, and upon their death, decides if the public is better off still believing their beloved superstar is alive.
“It is the mass general populace we worry about in these trying times,” said the anonymous official. “The public is so dumbed down that the meaningless death of a reality TV star could equal unprecedented mourning and lethargy and, combined with the loss of hope, could make national productivity plummet. Most major stars have been cloned since the technology was perfected by DARPA and Pentagon programs in 1969.
“Yes, even Charles Manson has a clone. But he’s the only celebrity that intelligence officials couldn’t quite calibrate to perfection.” Either way, he’s no longer valuable and when he passes in prison, there won’t be a clone released. “A lot of people used to wake up hating Mr Manson, and that was a major reason for people to live for more than a couple of decades, but government research has shown that no longer to be the case.”
It should be noted that there is still significant public rage when it comes to anything associated with the famed ‘cult leader.’
But a world of clones? Are we living in the space age? Even Barack Obama is said to have multiple clones issued by his handlers in order to deceive the general public in various ways.
According to Hubert Himdinger, yes, we are living in the space age, but with no space to breathe or room for peace from these trite TV pan heads who rule the airwaves.
“So the Kardashian queen clearly passes on like any regular uncelebrated human being out there,” the exiled cultural philosopher said, “but the population is so dumbed down and stuck on a plastic person icon the Pentagon couldn’t risk social turmoil and hopelessness, especially in these dire economic times, so they transported a nearly flawless clone to the hospital that very night the real Kim died, and rolled her out to the public as if nothing had happened.”