ASSOCIATED PULP Authorities warned residents of Los Angeles County that many streets would be closed off due to President Barack Obama’s visit Monday night. The president is slated to stay for two days, and make stops along the Westside and Glendale, while surely snarling traffic in unpredictable, but significant ways. While the president’s route has … Continue reading
ASSOCIATED PULP Kabul — An Afghanistan family injured in a wayward United States drone strike have just about run out of patience attempting to apply for much needed medical assistance through the Obamacare website, Healthcare.gov. While the site keeps crashing on them, as the family gathers round the local computer station in the library ten … Continue reading
(republished at Dear Dirty America) ASSOCIATED PULP Upon returning to the United States after a year-long stint as a Fulbright Fellow in the Middle East, whizkid and all around nice guy, Nigel Cage, has been asked repeatedly what he learned studying overseas, to which he has, reportedly, only given one answer, “I didn’t realize it … Continue reading
(republished at Dear Dirty America) “They wouldn’t lie to me, would they?” former president George Bush Jr asks his butler, Menlo, after the latter read aloud a recent news article about Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Seymour Hersh calling the entire story of the Osama bin Laden raid “one big lie.” Menlo often reads the news to Bush … Continue reading
(republished by Dear Dirty America) Amid catastrophic website problems, the battered president, still weary and worn from a two-week government shutdown battle with Congress, admitted his healthcare plan for Americans was not running as smoothly as possible. In fact, he admitted the Affordable Care Act rollout was a train wreck. The problems range from the … Continue reading
As President Obama embarked on his campaign-style Midwest tour to make clear his agenda on reinvigorating the struggling American economy, many citizens who tuned into the president’s speech were shocked at the size and scale of his initiative. The looming crises over the debt ceiling and the federal budget seemed to be large enough hurdles … Continue reading
Most people seem to think technology is developing faster than we could have ever expected, but few have witnessed such an unbelievably spectacular technological feat as the Trayvon Martin protesters did in Leimert Park on Tuesday evening. They certainly didn’t think they’d be seeing the president that night, but did they? The protesters held signs … Continue reading
It’s hardly been twenty-four hours since the controversial Trayvon Martin trial has wrapped up, but sources close to the defendant say George Zimmerman, encouraged by a ‘not guilty’ verdict, is ready to “get back out there” as night watchman. Apparently he’s in good spirits and “stoked beyond belief” about the not guilty verdict. He’d been … Continue reading
WASHINGTON – In a supposed move to assimilate teenage refugees from Afghanistan into American culture, the White House has forcefully employed them to do a specific task in Washington as a way to pay penance and work their way into society. The refugees, mostly teenage boys who had once been detained by U.S. forces in … Continue reading
Senator John McCain made headlines when he sneaked across Turkey’s border into Syria to meet with the leaders of the Free Syrian Army. The senator is the highest ranking official to meet with rebel fighters since the civil war broke out in Syria two years ago. While McCain’s meeting with the Free Syrian Army’s Supreme … Continue reading
BENTONVILLE, AR — Walmart executives have been thrust into the glaring limelight as one of their standard instruction manuals on how to handle store employees leaked online. The pamphlet breaks down Walmart workers into three categories: speaking tools, mute tools, and lifeless tools. The manual was written for Walmart’s executives in order that they understand the “complex dynamics and fluctuations … Continue reading
WASHINGTON, D.C. – There has been no shortage of mainstream media coverage about today’s Benghazi testimonies by state department officials who gathered before a Congressional committee and gave their accounts of what happened that fateful September 11th day last year, when Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and three other Americans were killed, but how a young … Continue reading
Many savvy Internet sleuths thought the junior senator from Kentucky bore a basic resemblance to McDonald’s most famous mascot, Ronald McDonald, but after multiple allegations and a few prominent websites posting side-by-side comparison pictures, Rand Paul came clean. “It wasn’t the glory days back then,” he told reporters, “but I’ll say my gig as Ronald McDonald paid … Continue reading
NEW YORK – Standing before the GigaOM’s Structure:Data conference in New York, the Central Intelligece Agency’s chief technology officer inadvertently made a startling revelation: the CIA has stockpiled the largest collection of pornography in the free world. Rubbing elbows with a predominately male audience, Gus Hunt felt enough at ease to share some juicy generalizations … Continue reading
Associated Pulp 