We’re pleased to announce our services here at Associated Pulp were recognized by the news and satire blog, Dear Dirty America, and we’ve been acquired by the site. We’re hopeful that our brand of humor and news stories will reach more folks over at DDA. You can expect the same from us, just on a … Continue reading
Tag Archives: associated pulp
President Obama Makes Monumental Economic Pitch
As President Obama embarked on his campaign-style Midwest tour to make clear his agenda on reinvigorating the struggling American economy, many citizens who tuned into the president’s speech were shocked at the size and scale of his initiative. The looming crises over the debt ceiling and the federal budget seemed to be large enough hurdles … Continue reading
Obama & Hooded Teenager Appear to Zimmerman Protesters, Urge Calm
Most people seem to think technology is developing faster than we could have ever expected, but few have witnessed such an unbelievably spectacular technological feat as the Trayvon Martin protesters did in Leimert Park on Tuesday evening. They certainly didn’t think they’d be seeing the president that night, but did they? The protesters held signs … Continue reading
George Zimmerman Ready To Get Back Out There
It’s hardly been twenty-four hours since the controversial Trayvon Martin trial has wrapped up, but sources close to the defendant say George Zimmerman, encouraged by a ‘not guilty’ verdict, is ready to “get back out there” as night watchman. Apparently he’s in good spirits and “stoked beyond belief” about the not guilty verdict. He’d been … Continue reading
New Google Glass App To Address Issues Of Distraction
UNDERGROUND SOMEWHERE – Before long, Google’s new nerd glasses, which allow their wearers to always be connected online and undertaking one Internet task or another, will be worn by nearly everyone. For those who refuse, soon they will be the new versions of the no-Facebook-page folks, who are really just updated versions of the we-don’t-believe-in-having-a-TV … Continue reading
Teenage Detainees from Afghanistan Open White House’s Suspicious Mail
WASHINGTON – In a supposed move to assimilate teenage refugees from Afghanistan into American culture, the White House has forcefully employed them to do a specific task in Washington as a way to pay penance and work their way into society. The refugees, mostly teenage boys who had once been detained by U.S. forces in … Continue reading
Awaiting the Worst: Officials Fear John McCain Given Death Tap in Syria
Senator John McCain made headlines when he sneaked across Turkey’s border into Syria to meet with the leaders of the Free Syrian Army. The senator is the highest ranking official to meet with rebel fighters since the civil war broke out in Syria two years ago. While McCain’s meeting with the Free Syrian Army’s Supreme … Continue reading
Walmart Executive Instructional Manual Calls Workers ‘Speaking Tools’
BENTONVILLE, AR — Walmart executives have been thrust into the glaring limelight as one of their standard instruction manuals on how to handle store employees leaked online. The pamphlet breaks down Walmart workers into three categories: speaking tools, mute tools, and lifeless tools. The manual was written for Walmart’s executives in order that they understand the “complex dynamics and fluctuations … Continue reading
Gross New Dieting Fad Hits Southern California
BEVERLY HILLS – Why isn’t life fair? That’s the question many overweight Americans ask themselves each year as they chow down on scrumptious fatty foods and desserts, knowing the thousands of extra calorie-intake each day will not help avoid heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure—all effects of being overweight. Is it possible that there … Continue reading
Color Icon Releases Startling Ad Depicting How Americans Really Feel
Are you fed up with the sickeningly false images of beauty depicted on nearly every advertisement? In every magazine, and on every sales rack, pictures of perfect men and women with the clearest skin, the warmest eyes, and glorious, taut, sun-kissed bodies. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think these models and celebrities never … Continue reading
Spectator At Benghazi Testimony Chokes on Hotdog, Questions About Standards & Security Loom
WASHINGTON, D.C. – There has been no shortage of mainstream media coverage about today’s Benghazi testimonies by state department officials who gathered before a Congressional committee and gave their accounts of what happened that fateful September 11th day last year, when Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and three other Americans were killed, but how a young … Continue reading
FBI Suspects ‘Gun Kata’ Used In Tsarnaev’s Epic Police Battle
WATERTOWN, MA – While nobody watching the early morning pursuit of the Boston Marathon bombing suspects could deny the effort of the local police and SWAT teams, most Americans were baffled at the epic battle put up by the two Tsarnaev brothers. How did they manage to hold off police for nearly three hours? How … Continue reading
Cracked Charles Manson Hollywood Star Gets Replaced
HOLLYWOOD – After a firestorm of controversy in the summer of 2011 that resulted in a petition at Change.org and a trending Twitter hashtag, the Charles Manson star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is already in need of a replacement. A sizeable crack was reported to the Walk of Fame committee, and within hours … Continue reading
From Clown to Congress: Sen Rand Paul Admits He Used To Be Ronald McDonald
Many savvy Internet sleuths thought the junior senator from Kentucky bore a basic resemblance to McDonald’s most famous mascot, Ronald McDonald, but after multiple allegations and a few prominent websites posting side-by-side comparison pictures, Rand Paul came clean. “It wasn’t the glory days back then,” he told reporters, “but I’ll say my gig as Ronald McDonald paid … Continue reading
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